Let others get treatment

Unfortunately after some time, people who didn’t want to get treatment came in my way to soberness. They had a totally different approach towards therapy. It blocked me a lot, some time had to pass before I could define myself. I was afraid of what they might think or say about me. I didn’t want them to mock me, so I didn’t tell them that the therapy is for me for one hundred per cent. I was afraid of the reaction of the inmates. Some of them didn’t want to get treated and they only grumbled that they were not allowed to do this and that. They said that the therapy didn’t concern them since they didn’t have a problem. I behaved the same way to be accepted and liked by them. But the question is – by whom? By those I nodded to? It’s not wise.

A true mate will respect me for what I am and not for senseless nodding.

Because of the fear that I felt, sometimes I said things in defiance of myself, often I wanted to tell the truth but I was afraid to do so. I had some inner breaks. Only outside the cell I was saying that I want to get treatment and inside I lied that I wrote all the papers just to be done with it, all the things that they wanted to hear. I thought it wasn’t a bad solution but today I know that it was none. Is there any sense to be nervous, hide inside the things you don’t like or which make you irritated? There is no sense in that. I wrote the papers and there I put everything that worried my heart. I felt satisfied that I was doing something for myself. I felt that I was becoming more and more self-assured and more and more often I said “NO” when I didn’t like something or when something was against my and the unit’s rules.

I regret only one thing – that I didn’t stand up from the very beginning and I had to maneuver so much for some time. During the therapy time goes by very quickly and one should take advantage of being here instead of worrying about what people might think. Don’t be afraid of other people’s opinions, don’t be afraid to say your opinion out loud. Being assertive is absolutely necessary on your way to soberness and keeping abstinence. I appeal to the people who don’t want to get treatment – let others get one. Deal with your own life and repair it instead of saying stories about the amount of drugs that you have used or what a great gangster you are. That is not something you can be proud of but rather to be ashamed of and cry about.

Think what you are doing. You feel better, wiser or stronger, well, you are not!!! If you were reasonable, you would like to change your lives. You would get treatment instead of disturbing others and spoiling the atmosphere in your cell and unit. I know that you are strong when you are laughing at people and talking behind their backs but why aren’t you doing it at their presence? Lacking courage? Being afraid of something? I am not asking you for too much. A bit of respect and understanding for other people. Nothing more. Do something good and decent at last.

TOMEK

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